the alamo and me

I have a monstrous to-do list that I just can't seem to even attempt to start tackling. It probably doesn't help that I'm sitting here typing, eating a bowl of Lucky Charms and watching Martha. There's a black lady on here making some cake with fresh granny smith apples and caramel sauce that looks freaking delicious. Martha then asked her what else she likes to cook besides this cake and she said, "fried chicken." Duh.

Last night I added Red Hot & Blue to my list of places to eat before I leave. So full and so good. In fact, after I finish off this bowl of cereal I was thinking about tackling my leftovers. I also went to On The Border to get a watermelon margarita before I leave and they effed up big time. It didn't even taste like a margarita. Wasn't even the right color. Our waitress was dumb and couldn't understand. And of course we had terrible service. You can't not go to the Crapfield OTB and get bad service, that would be a crime. Sometimes I wish I had a fake Brinker card to lay out on the table so that when I do complain the manager would listen. And so I could get a discount. But mostly so the manager at OTB would take me seriously. Triple Trouble went into eat there one time and the service was horrendous. It was just straight up bad. The waiter was so rude to us and when we asked to speak to the manager, the manager just made excuses for him. And a lame one like, "oh he's just having a bad day." Total bullshit.

Has anyone ever seen Paige Davis' husband? Gay.

We went to Pete's and snagged a table from two dudes. We p0wn.

My dream last night involved me being a school bus driver. I would park the bus in my backyard and drive it through the gate and out onto the street where I would then take my route to pick up children. After all the children were dropped off at school I took the bus out to a field. Apparently this is where all the bus drivers went afterwards because there were probably twenty out there. But we didn't park the buses there, we raced them. We raced yellow school buses in a field between shifts of delivering and retrieving kids from school. We did tricks with them too. I could get my bus to drive on its side on two wheels. Funny thing is that I really have always wondered what school bus drivers did between the beginning and end of the school day. So after the racing and tricks were over we all left. I took my school bus to some cafe where my cousin worked. On the walls of the cafe were all these photos of my dad's side of the family. I asked who a certain person was and she said it was our grandmother from Peru. Then she asked me, "You know you're Peruvian, right?" I didn't say anything, I was just happy I had some sort of heritage all of a sudden. Then I got back in my school bus and drove.

That is all I remember. I did have a second dream about not knowing who my cousins were and driving from Dallas to Oklahoma City everyday for school.

Which is why I haven't updated in a few days.

But Bill Nye makes me feel better. I love Bill Nye.

It shows people the process of science. We learn more about other objects in the solar system and we rethink it, so we give it a new label. If we have to learn another dozen dwarf/ice-dwarf/icy object/ultra-Neptunian-object names, it's going to be fine. It's going to be a big party. Its going to be lovely.

Bill Nye is always right. I would put my life in his hands.

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Last night was ridiculously fun. I have photos. You'll see them later.

Once I get to San Antonio I am not eating for two weeks. Why? Because for the past week I have done nothing but devour food from places I love that I will not see again for a few months. I have successfully been to Corky's and Babe's (twice!) this week, which were at the top of my list. However, I was not successful at eating my entire chicken fried steak from Babe's at lunch yesterday but I did take half of it home. And I accept that.

Today is my last day of work at Millionaire. I've decided to continue working with them though. I'm going to contract on a steady basis on the side and I'm looking forward to that. Plus once I get my business/tax ID crap I can write off things come tax time. Woo-hoo!

I'm also having a garage sale tomorrow morning and Saturday morning for anyone who would like to or care to come dig through my shit and give me money for it. I refuse to move all my goods. There is just too much.

This should win a Photoshop award. Not because it is that great or anything but because the person who did this probably spent weeks cleaning her face up.

Visit his site.

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There are a possible ten Mac applications out there that most Mac users don't know about. And they're pretty good.

AppZapper
Awaken
DJay
Hawkeye
iAlertU
OurTunes
Senuti
UnRarX
Q
Call Recorder

Details and where to get them.

My seventeen year old sister just told me that she has a senior pep rally coming up and the theme is to dress in The 80s.

She then said she didn't know what to wear.

How is that possible?

Six friends gathered around a table one night and decided that civilization (American I assume) was doomed due to a number of reasons. So they set up a site, began a list and will now let you contribute. The goal is to reach 10,000. The answers I liked most and consider to be the highlights are...

Reason #99: People think the word "wang" is still funny.
Reason #128: One can choose between 14 different types of toilet paper.
Reason #140: People who DONT think the word "wang" is still funny.
Reason #150: Illinois Nazis.
Reason #179: restaurants where you eat from a toilet.
Reason #253: I just spent 20 mins reading this list instead of doing my job.
Reason #287: There are now 17 Law and Order spinoffs.
Reason #335: Rampant abuse of Helvetica.
Reason #352: Parents who put their kids on leashes in a shopping mall.
Reason #359: ducktales is no longer on the air.
Reason #430: Brooke Hogan's GRILL
Reason #453: "Yes, Dear" remains on the air much longer than "Arrested Development."

Thoughts on these:
1. How is "wang" not funny?
2. The state of Illinois has Nazis? I would never have known.
3. Why would you build a restaurant themed around toilets?
4. Yea! Why isn't Duck Tales on anymore?
5. Brooke Hogan's grill and tranny face.
6. I'm still not happy about the Arrested Development situation.

Look for me! I'm #526. If you really know me then you don't even have to guess what I wrote.

Check out the complete list so far.

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I think these cards are hilarious.



Check out the rest.

I am in love with Steve Mack's illustrations. They're simplistic but detailed as if they were hand crafted which makes them so appealing to me. They embody the work of 1950s and 60s illustrations. A period that I adore most. That and he has lots of animals and we all know I'm the female Beastmaster. Mack has a blog called Spot Illustration that he updates weekly with alphabet illustrations. I hope this really does become a book. I think they're gorgeous.

Who would you rather roll around in the sand with?



David Hasselhoff in a speedo? Or, Hulk Hogan in a speedo?

From what I can tell from watching The Today Show in the mornings, Matt Lauer seems to keep himself healthy but he's freaking ripped. I would've never thought it. Would you?



He should start wearing swim trunks to work.

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But I still find him sexy. Especially with a motorcycle.



More photos here.

Photography + Panorama = Panography.



It's easy to make your own with this dandy tutorial at Photojojo.

I think these are cute.



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Do you like fondling fake breasts in the shower? This rack is just for you then.



You can fill each breast with shower gel, shampoo or conditioner so with each squeeze you can get what you need to wash yourself. Although I have a feeling that some people might be getting a little too much of what they need.

A great fun gift, Shower Breasts are so tactile that you'll be ready to move into the shower. In fact, if any female Boys Stuff fans out there are having trouble with their man's personal hygiene, this could be the solution. And all that squeezing is sure to help build his biceps, so everyone's a winner.

Now to find the perfect recipient for such a gift.

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Pimplomat has made one of the best discoveries of the season!

Rockabye Baby! transforms timeless rock songs into beautiful instrumental lullabies. The soothing sounds of the glockenspiel, vibraphone, mellotoron and other instruments will lull your baby into a sweet slumber.

Check out the goods here. These will be perfect for all those babies that are bound to come from all the people I know that are getting married this year, even though I won't send them anything.

Christopher Walken is going to play Wilbur Turnblad in New Line's movie version of Hairspray.

Those who've seen Walken in Spike Jonze's "Weapon of Choice" know the man's got fancy feet and will duet with Travolta, in drag as his wife Edna, on the song "Timeless." In addition to the cast, New Line also announced they've pushed up the release date from next December to next summer. Walken joins Travolta, Queen Latifah, Amanda Bynes, Michelle Pfeiffer, James Marsden, Zac Efron and Nikki Blonsky.

Excitement!

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My dad ate my cheesecake because I drank his beer. I say it was a fair trade.

Benjamin left tonight for San An. In fact, he's driving as I type. The next time I see him he will have a completely clean-shaven face and that will be incredibly weird at first. I've known him without facial hair but he's had the beard for nearly two years.

I have lots to do for the remaining ten days that I am here. For my last day at work we're going to eat at Babe's for lunch and Corky's Pizza on Tuesday. Because of this I have started to make a list of places I need to eat before I leave. So far this includes On The Border (there are none in San An and I must have a watermelon margarita before I go), Cha Cha's, and Bruster's Ice Cream. There should probably be a lot more on this list. What am I missing?

There was a party on Friday night in Benjamin's honor. So for the 99% of you who didn't come I'd like to say thank you for not showing up. We had the best time and you probably would've ruined our vibe. Here are the highlights...



It was time Benjamin got a hair cut.



So of course we did it right.



Then we did it better.



You would've thought we shaved a poodle.



Ben and Trey try to bust in on Joel and his lady friends.



Eventually we gave up on cups.



Trash can punch for two.



Lauren and Trey race to spell out the magic words.



And the next morning Benjamin tried to crawl to the bathroom which turned into just falling asleep on the floor.

Why am I moving to San Antonio?

This my curious friend is a good answer. Why would a MFFL move to the most despised city in a Mav's fan's eyes? The answer is simple. I'm going to taunt the Spurs every chance I get and make their 2006-2007 season hell. I will make Tony Parker (or shall I say Park-hur) go home and cry in the bosom of Eva Longoria after every game and beg to go back to France to be with his mommy. I will make Michael Finley realize how big of a douche he was and still is for leaving the Mavs in search of a title because he is a selfish bastard. I will send Manu Ginobli running back to Argentina to live with the alpacas in the Andes. I will make Tim Duncan... well it really doesn't matter what I do to Tim Duncan. He won't have any idea what is going on anyway.

I declare it right here and now that I will always love and support my Mavs even in the enemy's city.



And now thanks to my sister I can wear my autographed Jason Terry toboggan every game day.

A new blog in a new city.

Well not yet. But in two weeks, yes.